WHY DEATH WORK?
Amy Bishop, Founder of Cross With Care
How did I get here? I like to say that I did not find death work; it found me. My grief story began with the unexpected death of my sister, Beth, in 1993. Her death made me realize tomorrow is not guaranteed... and also, that I really had no idea what surviving a significant loss looked or felt like. Grief and I began our very intimate relationship. Some years following Beth's death, my father died from idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. Eight months later, one of my best friends died suddenly, two months before her wedding. 2009 marked the death of my half-brother, Paul, from pancreatic cancer. In 2016, my mother died following a debilitating car accident, illnesses, and dementia. A year later, my other sister, Lisa (Beth’s twin) died, also unexpectedly. In 2020, I hoped I would be donating a kidney to my brother, John, but sadly, he died before we could make that happen. Just twenty-one months later, my sweet nephew had a yet-to-be-diagnosed condition and suffered a cardiac arrest which caused brain death, and he became an organ donor. Add to this, all of my grandparents, aunts, and uncles, and I think it is safe to say, I know grief.
I have been reminded time and again that life is short. Just as every life is special, so is every ending, and no two people experience grief, even from the same death, the same way. The grief that comes with anticipating a death is different than the grief that follows an unexpected loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and no time frame can be applied to it. I realized after my second sister’s death that I was meant to do something with all my pain, and by the time my brother died, I had become an End-of-Life Doula. Looking back, I realize that I had already taken on various aspects of this role, from overseeing my mom’s care to being the executor of her estate. While I never really had any fear around talking about death, my experiences have shown that most people do not want to or know how to talk about it, let alone plan for it, and that seems to be true whether we are talking about our own death or someone we hold dear. How do we die peacefully? How do we make sure all our affairs are in order so that our loved ones may not be burdened? How do we prepare for and experience death in a way that allows us and our loved ones to live our best lives while we still have them? At Cross with Care, it is my mission to use my experience, expertise, and tools to help you create a comprehensive End-of-Life plan that allows you and your loved ones to have a peaceful and dignified experience, safe in the knowledge that the wishes of the dying are honored and that those left behind are supported in every way possible. I am a qualified, insured End-of-Life Doula, and I have earned the Proficiency Badge with the National End-of-Life Doula Alliance (NEDA). Certified as a doula through the End-of-Life Training from Going with Grace, I also completed the Intensive Grief Training with Our House Grief Support Center and have trained as a Grief Specialist. I volunteer as a Group Leader for Our House's Children's grief groups and for a local hospice. Additionally, I am a professional yoga educator and incorporate meditation, stress-reduction, and pain-relieving breathing techniques into my end-of-life work. “Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it. “ -- Haruki Murakami Photo by Ericka Kreutz
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